First of all hello everyone out there that may possibly read this blog.
So lately I have been feeling a little under the weather....actually a little is an understatement. I don't know if its just that I have a case of the blues or if its something else. Is it just that I am still in the adjusting process? I don't know really I can't really tell you for sure.
These last couple of weeks have been beyond stressful and overwhelming....not to mention that I have tons of homework for school and I can't manage it. My grades have already started a downward spiral....and I really can't afford that right now.
I am at the point where I really do want to quit everything and go MIA for awhile. I wish I could say that I am super excited and happy with the new employment but the truth is I am not. I can't seem to deal with the situations like I should be and that in itself is really draining any little bit of energy I have left. Also to add insult to injury I am beginning to think that maybe just maybe the career I have chosen isn't the one that is suited for me. I don't feel passionate about it. I mean I like it, but I guess I always liked it in theory only. Now that I have started working somewhat in it I see that perhaps it isn't what I want. I have always believed that your career should be one that we are passionate about, one that we can't wait to get up in the morning to go to. As should be the case at the moment....that is soooo not the case with me.
So what do I do now?? Do I continue and finish this because I started it or do I stop, rewind and redo things the way I would have liked? I seriously hate quitting things so you can see why I am having such a huge issue....but at the same time I can't continue to be unhappy just because I want to finish something. I need my heart to be in this otherwise I am going to be in huge trouble. Part of me also thinks it might be an issue with responsibility, but I have always had responsibility and I have always been responsible. The point I just don't get any fulfillment from the employment....none at all. In fact at the end of the day I feel worse =( I just can't deal with all of the things that go on.
Like I said I like this profession.....in theory, but maybe the timing wasn't right. Maybe I wasn't ready for it (school/work) and maybe I should have waited like I said I was. I should have taken a break, thought about it (thought it out completely) and then proceeded forward depending on my conclusion.
I am in a serious pickle guys.....I either quit or I find a way to deal with all of this that is going on.
Im sorry about the negativity guys, it's not usually like me. I hope it didn't bring anyone down....this was more of a venting device for me.
I wish you all a great week, take care, peace and much love
Steph
