Holy cow its Christmas??

I can't believe that it's going to be Christmas already!! The year just flew by, my birthday and all. lol Going back to the Christmas theme....is anyone else not in the Christmas spirit yet? I am certainly not in the Christmas spirit....it doesn't feel like Christmas time for me. Why?? I don't know....I think it has to do with having to work Christmas week and New Years week....welcome to the adult world Steph!!

On another note there are so many things that I am very thankful for this year.....among others I think having a job is something to really appreciate. I may have had my doubts earlier but I am warming up to it and gosh darn it even enjoying what I do....just a little bit. I am so thankful that I am alive and that my back is mostly back to it's normal functioning state, I am thankful for you guys my friends for continuing to be my friends....you ROCK!! I am thankful for my family, kooky or not they mean the world. I know this next year is going to be financially tough for my family and for many of us, but the only thing we can do is to keep on keeping on and continue to fight the good fight. Together we can get through this!

On a good note, not that the others were not good. I am sooo beyond ready to enjoy my 5 weeks of no school or homework....oh yes! Happy, happy , joy, joy!

So I wish you all a Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays and a New Year which ever it is that you may celebrate! Take care, be well, peace and may you spend it with those that you love the most!

Namaste,
Steph

PS: I don't ever think that my blogs have a consistent theme surrounding them even though I try to keep it to one theme it just continues to go off in a gazillion ways.....just a small glimpse of how my brain works.....yes, yes I am scatterbrained lol

Better days

I have been going into some weird depressive mood swings lately....I attribute it to the horrendous amount of junk food/fast food I have been eating and the heat and back pain.

This week started off kind of bad but was quickly snapped out of it. One of my very wise co-workers vented about some very tough situations he has been facing lately and it made me realize...."WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING STEPH!!?" There is no reason for me to be sad....about anything. LIFE IS TOO SHORT to spend my time dealing with sadness, fear, uncertainty, anxiety, negativity.... you name it!

Sure I may not be where I would like to be on various levels of my life, but I should make the best of it while I can.

I was given some great advice as well regarding parents. "One of the best things you can do to your mom and dad is to hug them and let them know just how much you love them. And do it as much as you can, because you never really know when we will never see them again." Needless to say I started crying after this haha See this is coming from a parent, who is dealing with somethings with his parent so I understood this and it makes sense to me. He knows what he is talking about. So I guess what I am trying to get at is, I know sometimes our parents don't always show us how much they love us....well in a way that is clear to us that they love us, but let us love them and verbally/clearly tell them we love them. I know they will appreciate it, even they may be like "what the hell is wrong with you?" Its just a facade, they really do like it lol

I think this can be extended to everyone in our lives that we love. So for all of my wonderful friends/family and everyone else in between....I LOVE YOU!! :) (Just picture my high pitched squeaky voice saying it hahaha lovely huh?)

Here's hoping that all of our days are as bright and beautiful as natures flowers (cause remember I really like flowers lol),

Namaste,
Steph

Limbo

You know whats fascinating to me? Everything. But for some reason I just haven't been feeling the same way for a while now. I wasn't sure if it was something that was just in my mind or what, but after a brief discussion I had with my mom I guess I have been acting differently lately. She noticed that I appear to not give a damn about anything anymore....and honestly that's probably right on the button. I just don't care about anything. For example, my poor kitty ran out of food yesterday (mind you she still had her canned food) and I couldn't make myself get out of the house to go buy her food. My mom noticed this because she's used to me running out and getting my cat food as soon as she needed it.

I don't know what it is, I just don't feel like myself. I feel like I am in limbo. Its kind of starting to scare me because, well this isn't me. I don't know if it is all related to the accident last month, if im still adjusting or what. But all I know is that I haven't been feeling 100% for sometime now. And for someone close to me to let me know that I have changed and that they noticed somethings off it's pretty scary.

Honestly I just hope that its my nervous system recovering from being all shaken up and what not. I pray that things get better....soon because this moping around feeling all blah is not working for me, I don't like it at all.

A cure all for this feeling? I would say a nice long vacation away from everything that is bogging me down....everything lately. I need out of Yuma, would anyone like to join me in LA, NY or London?? :) Yea right, theres too much at stake I can't possibly drop everything and just move....that's not my M.O.

Here's to better days!
Namaste,
Steph

Accept Yourself by The Smiths

After being MIA from my very own blog I have decided to blog once more......

So I am listening to my Smiths Pandora station while trying to finish some notes for work....long over due notes too. :( It's probably going to get me into trouble too :( Enough with work talk....it is still the weekend after all lol

Anyways so I am listening to this song Accept Yourself by the Smiths and it really called out to me. Here are the lyrics to Accept Yourself:

Every day you must say
So, how do I feel about my life ?
Anything is hard to find
When you will not open your eyes
When will you accept yourself ?
I am sick and I am dull
And I am plain
How dearly I'd love to get carried away
Oh, but dreams have a knack of just not coming true
And time is against me now...oh
Oh, who and what to blame ?
Oh, anything is hard to find
When you will not open your eyes
When will you accept yourself, for heaven's sake ?
Anything is hard to find
When you will not open your eyes
Every day you must say
Oh, how do I feel about the past ?
Others conquered love - but I ran
I sat in my room and I drew up a plan
Oh, but plans can fall through (as so often they do)
And time is against me now...

And there's no-one left to blame
Oh, tell me when will you ...
When will you accept your life ?
(The one that you hate)
For anything is hard to find
When you will not open your eyes
Every day you must say
Oh, how do I feel about my shoes ?
They make me awkward and plain
How dearly I would love to kick with the fray ...
But I once had a dream (and it never came true)
And time is against me now...
Time is against me now...
And there's no one but yourself to blame
Oh, anything is hard to find
When you will not open your eyes
Anything is hard to find; for heaven's sake !
Anything is hard to find
When you will not open your eyes
When will you accept yourself ?
When ?
When ?
When ?
When ?

So what do you think about the song? Just to set the record, any Smiths or Morrissey songs usually end up being really broody or moody so yeah lol I really like the song :)

Story of my life!

what would you be?

So I read this quote the other day and it made me think.

"The mentality in your current life will dictate what body you will have in your next life."

Ok so hypothetically speaking, lets just say you believe in reincarnation....what body would you have in your next life?

As for me, I think I would be a Daisy...the flower. j/k I don't know what body I would have in the next life...maybe I would be a giraffe or something....some kind of animal for sure =)

Case of the blues.....

First of all hello everyone out there that may possibly read this blog.

So lately I have been feeling a little under the weather....actually a little is an understatement. I don't know if its just that I have a case of the blues or if its something else. Is it just that I am still in the adjusting process? I don't know really I can't really tell you for sure.

These last couple of weeks have been beyond stressful and overwhelming....not to mention that I have tons of homework for school and I can't manage it. My grades have already started a downward spiral....and I really can't afford that right now.

I am at the point where I really do want to quit everything and go MIA for awhile. I wish I could say that I am super excited and happy with the new employment but the truth is I am not. I can't seem to deal with the situations like I should be and that in itself is really draining any little bit of energy I have left. Also to add insult to injury I am beginning to think that maybe just maybe the career I have chosen isn't the one that is suited for me. I don't feel passionate about it. I mean I like it, but I guess I always liked it in theory only. Now that I have started working somewhat in it I see that perhaps it isn't what I want. I have always believed that your career should be one that we are passionate about, one that we can't wait to get up in the morning to go to. As should be the case at the moment....that is soooo not the case with me.

So what do I do now?? Do I continue and finish this because I started it or do I stop, rewind and redo things the way I would have liked? I seriously hate quitting things so you can see why I am having such a huge issue....but at the same time I can't continue to be unhappy just because I want to finish something. I need my heart to be in this otherwise I am going to be in huge trouble. Part of me also thinks it might be an issue with responsibility, but I have always had responsibility and I have always been responsible. The point I just don't get any fulfillment from the employment....none at all. In fact at the end of the day I feel worse =( I just can't deal with all of the things that go on.

Like I said I like this profession.....in theory, but maybe the timing wasn't right. Maybe I wasn't ready for it (school/work) and maybe I should have waited like I said I was. I should have taken a break, thought about it (thought it out completely) and then proceeded forward depending on my conclusion.

I am in a serious pickle guys.....I either quit or I find a way to deal with all of this that is going on.

Im sorry about the negativity guys, it's not usually like me. I hope it didn't bring anyone down....this was more of a venting device for me.

I wish you all a great week, take care, peace and much love

Steph

hmmm

Ok so I have been wondering about this for a while now. Its related to the blogs. Everytime I go to post a comment on one of your blogs for some reason the site won't let me or I am doing something wrong. It will tell me to select the profile, i do then I log in but it doesn't post my comment. =( So I don't know whats going on there.....it really made me mad the other day when I had this really great comment and then it didn't let me comment hahaha

Any suggestions around the issue?

So much for that idea....

Does it ever happen to you guys that you think about things WAY too much and end up feeling even worse??

Yea well i do that all the time....especially lately for some reason. I think its just so many things all at once.....good changes but to me they are beyond scary. I was talking to my mom about this earlier today....I think about things so much it makes me sick. I seriously feel like throwing up sometimes. The only way it will get better is if i confront whatever it is that's scaring me. (At the moment its a new job )

If I could stick my head into a hole in the ground and keep it there forever I would be perfectly fine with that(right now). I think today was just a crappy day. I am a thinker (which might be one of the reasons why i am mostly quiet) but when I think too much I tend to bring up negative thoughts along with the positive and negativity is NOT good.

Just a little update: We took our poor coco to the vaccination clinic held on Sat. She got two shots and something sprayed up her nose. It broke my heart to see her there....she just looked at me with her big ol' eyes, wondering what they were doing to her and why I had taken her to them in the first place. But let me tell you this, she did spectacular!! I honestly thought that she would start growling/barking with the other dogs or at people and you know what? She didnt! The poor puppy didnt even cry when they gave her the shots(the injection site bled a little, so that was bad)....needless to say she was a little trooper! She deserved a scooby snack and she got one too!

Oh yes and we also participated in the Earth hour event. This is the second time I manage to convince my parents to do it....well this time it was more like oh yea lets do it again. So I am glad we did. It was very peaceful, quiet and relaxing....and we did a little to try to help our planet out. We should do more, but this is a start. I would like to address this. I have heard that global warming is "made up" and you know what?? It very well may be made up but i genuinely feel this way. It can't possibly hurt to try to keep our planet clean and to protect, and respect her as much as we can.Let's give something back, we already take so much as it is.

So I hope/think tomorrow should be better, that is if I finish my homework before class. lol I should probably go to bed right now before it gets late so I don't wake up a complete grouch tomorrow.....happens alot when I wake up early. lol

So I wish you all a goodnight, sweet dreams and have a wonderful week!

Peace,
Steph

The blog of all blogs

Not really blog of all blogs but you know to add drama. lol

So yes, Spring Break is OVER. I am so very sad to see it go. It came and went much too fast. Specially since I realized that I will have NO break until Dec. [I am such a masochist I registered fulltime for summer classes and they start when I have finals week for the spring semester] I have to say this....even though I didn't leave or go on any awesome adventure far away I had a blast here, hanging out with awesome friends! Thanks for putting up with my weirdness hahaha

You know what I have been thinking? No, you probably don't so I will tell you. I am thinking that we all need to have one day a week or every other week where we can all get together and hangout! I don't know maybe we can name it: Margarita Thursday, Friday or Saturday? You don't necessarily have to drink Margaritas unless you want to of course lol and I say "you" because I don't drink. For various reasons like: I don't like the queasy feeling I get in my stomach when I am drinking, or I don't know the really weird dreams....(you all remember the serial killer and shark dream yea?) hahaha We do need to have a day at least every other week where we can all hangout, and it doesn't have be drinking either like we can go bowling (and I can kick your butts at it!!...) hahaha just kidding!! Bowling is always fun!

Right now I totally feel like the redheaded kid that comes out in Diary of a wimpy kid, the one thats like "you want to see my freckle?!" hahaha minus the hygiene problem of course...don't worry I won't chase you with a booger on my finger. lol

See what i am doing? I am blogging instead of finishing up that homework....choices, choices. Speaking of choices. I don't know if I told you guys but I am doing some "inner remodeling work" By that I mean that I am trying to change somethings about myself that aren't necessarily productive. I have noticed that a lot of my anxiety, fears, shyness is really brought on by my own self. I am esentially creating my own problems based on nothing. I am really trying to be happier in my own skin, and to adopt the "who cares what anyone else thinks" mentality. I also want to explain its not going into extremes either...just minor tweaking. Some examples could be like being a little more talkative, or even just relaxing a bit so that I can enjoy the moments when I do go out with friends without have all this negative info flooding my brain(purely caused by my ownself.) So if I feel like dancing in the middle of flipping Walmart I will do so! (Its gonna take some time though lol) So yes I am doing some inner remodeling! LOL Oh yea I have also decided that I am going to try to speak my mind and I am going to try to confront my emotions headon and not ignore them or suck them up like I usually do (I realize I am not made of stone and I am not perfect nor do I intend to be)


AND now I must return to the homework dilema. I really need to finish this for tomorrow.....oh yes procrastination at it's best!!


Thanks you for reading I hope you all have a great week, much love, enjoy every little moment, take care and I will see/talk to you soon!

Peace and Love,
Steph

Alice in Wonderland

To begin my post.....I can't believe that the Urban Decay eyeshadow book Alice in Wonderland is sold out!! =( I knew it was out and I really wanted (wanted but not needed) it....and of course just like everything I do I waited too long and now its gone. I must say it was pretty awesome! The movie almost comes out!!

Moving on, the past days have been pretty crazy....I think beginning from like 3 weeks ago actually. lol I think or thought that the main harbinger of stress in my life apart from school was my parents wedding....and it was but now that it has passed nothing has changed. I loved my parents reception as much as I could since I was so stressed.....let me tell you that day was right out bonkers. It started out great everyone was laid-back just hanging out but when it came to have our hair done, makeup, dresses....oh boy. Lets just say this the bride was 15 to 30 minutes late...and I say 15 to 30 because I saw the clock in the car and it said we were 15 minutes late but everyone said we were 30....oh and I was driving lol So to go back a bit there were about 4 of us getting our hair done...my sister and myself were not one of them. We were supposed to be at the salon at 3 but we didnt get there until 4 because I was starving and I went to go get pizzas of course. So when we get to the salon theres only one girl that is doing the hair AND makeup. At first no biggie "we still have time" and then it was like "omg its 5:30 (ceremony was at 7)and I need to go home do my hair and makeup change....etc. I ended up just having my hair done there at the salon because I would not have been able to fix my hair in the short amount of time we had left. So by the time the girl finished my hair (she was exhausted pobrecita) it was about 6pm. We raced home got there around 6:20 if not 6;30 jumped in our dresses and ran out the door and this was practically at 6:45.....I didn't even finish putting on my makeup!! I had to drive (I am a slow driver apparently....but I do adhere to the speed limits) because my mom didnt fit in the other cars...our dog ran out and I couldnt catch here so i was running around barefoot, my cousins and tios were finishing getting ready and my moms yelling at me to hurry up. =O I get stressed just thinking about it hahaha Point is we got there late....but the Padre was super awesome and went ahead with the ceremony anyways....the party went great my parents were super happy and at the end thats what really matters is that they are happy. =)

I do have some pictures....I might put them on here if I can figure it out haha But yea it was a crazy weekend! And now this week its back to homework....For monday I need 10 research articles for my research class and we have the final for statistics due on Wed the next class starts the week after next week. I have yet to look at the final for stats....if and when I do I have a feeling I am going to cry or throw up or both =( ::Take a deep breath and exhale::

NEWS FLASH!!!: I have given up drinking coffee for lent and guess what so far I have been doing good....I haven't had coffee in over a week =) So please bare (or is it bear?) with me if I am on the slower side, scatter brained, cranky, forgetful...my system is getting accustomed to not getting coffee anymore. The whole changing pattern and getting used to not drinking coffee should take about 30 days after that it should be easier. I would like to say that I am currently supplementing my coffee intake with orange juice....I have drank more orange juice this week than I have in a whole month I think....its all good as long as I don't get an ulcer. Oh yah also both my mom and dad are sick with colds....too much partying if you ask me hahaha My arm hurts or should I say the bone in my arm hurts, it usually happens when its cloudy, or too cold or its raining....so I think it might rain tomorrow! lol

Well that is it for now! I hope you enjoy my crazy rantings of the past days lol ....I really do need my coffee =( Take care everyone, enjoy and have an amazing weekend!

Steph =)Family Picture...we needed a new one =)



My mad photography skills....(joking, I am horrible at it)



Thanks girls and charlie and hayden for showing up!! =)

Ballet and Shoes

Thank goodness for the weekend!! It seems like I have no time for anything lately and its only been like not even a month since school started....I have been told things are only gonna get more demanding in the program. Like I told Teresa....ay chihuahua! haha But no honestly I can't mess this up or else I get axed from the program.

Moving on from that subject on Thursday after my psych evaluation....which was awesome by the way however I don't know how I did or how messed up I really am and I won't be told because I was a volunteer for a project. It was still neat to see it first hand from a clients perspective. Anyway after that I went along with my mom and sis to do some errands. Well along with the errands was a pit stop at Dillards....that in itself is never good. So we're at Dillards walking around and I see this flyer for a ballet thing thats gonna happen this month and....I totally want to go! For you guys that don't know I happen to LOVE ballet....it was one of my dreams to be a ballerina when I was younger and it still is but Im too old to do it now.lol

Anywho we were in Dillards and they had a shoe sale......that lead to nothing good. I ended up getting 3 pairs of shoes and some boots and the coolest copper zebra print wallet =D Most everything was on sale but honestly my prized buyes were the boots which were only 44 bucks from the original 150 oh yeah! Thats the happiest I have ever been when it comes to buying shoes....and the next prized buy for me was my ferrari red dress pumps....they are awesome! =D another smiley face because I am so happy. I really needed new shoes....I did really! lol

So I just wanted to say that before I never really got happy or excited from going shopping but now, I have to say, I might become a shoppaholic....ok ok maybe not to that extent but I really did enjoy going shoe shopping which I don't get to do too often. And things were on sale which was even better!! Sad part there goes my paycheck :( lol

Wednesday- I thought it was Thursday part 2

So yesterday I thought it was thursday....and today it happened again. lol oh to be hopeful hahaha I don't really have anything important to say today. Crazy weather we have been having lately...so since when do we get so much rain here in Yuma? So at the moment im in my lovely stats class that goes until forever....but you know what? It isn't as bad as I thought it would be. It actually goes by much faster...I still don't like it too much because its math ya know but its ok I suppose. So how was everyone's day today?

My first blog!!!

Hello world! Welcome to my first blog.....hopefully I will have some interesting and exciting things to blog about in the coming future. But for now I will be content with just saying hi :)

Adios!